Valentine's Day: A Happy Approach To Disliking the Day of Love

The Inaugural Blog Post!! As a Bridal and Party assistant, I am all about every occasion (and even non-occasions), having a great time and eating good food and drinks is my goal in life. I hesitated having this blog be my first but I figured what the hell with a few disclaimers: 1. Blogs are completely biased and may or may not be factual. 2. This week’s blog will probably only apply to 80% of the people reading it, because the other 20% live in a perfectly romantic, blissful, fairytale dream.

For starters, a lil’ history on Valentine’s Day, which I obtained from the most accurate source ever, Wikipedia: The day was acknowledged as St. Valentine’s Day as St. V was executed on February 14th for something I do not care to Google. He went down in history as Captain Romantic because the night before he was executed, he wrote a note to his beloved, who happened to be the jailer’s daughter (talk about scandal). He signed the note “From your Valentine”. Boom, holiday. OK, so maybe there’s a little more to the story, but honestly, does it even matter?

I’m sure you remember Valentine’s Day growing up, you went to the store and bought your candy and crappy valentines to bring to school. Star Wars, Barbie, Rainbow Brite…whatever your fancy, there was an overpriced valentine for you. You would run home and write your friends’ name on the valentines, and pass them out in the mailboxes made of construction paper. I grew up before the bullying movement 2k and there weren’t rules that you had to give a valentine to everyone. So, while everyone was passing out their little valentines, I would hope that I would get at least 10 in return or some stupid quantity to confirm that I did in fact have friends. As I got older, the rules started to change and you had to give a valentine to everyone

even the people you didn’t like. What’s the point in that? Save the paper and move on, you are wasting precious education time.

When I was bartending in college, I remember one Valentine’s Day when the restaurant I worked in got rid of all of their regular tables and brought in small, two-person tables to pack the people in and charge them more money for a special “Valentine’s Day” dinner. The restaurant was so packed that when one of the waiters came to the bar to get his drinks, he said that while trying to get through the tables he literally had his balls on some woman’s shoulder. To this day I laugh about that and reflect back to being packed into restaurants paying more money for the same food as the day before and having a waiter’s balls on your shoulder, just because its Vday is the complete antithesis of romance.

Below are some pictures from the "F-Valentine's Day Party" I co-hosted:

As time went on, I just started to ignore the glorious holiday of love, mostly because like many of you, I was left disappointed all too many times. Frankly, it’s not our fault. If you are not in a relationship, then you might as well sleep through it because there are constant reminders for weeks leading up to the day to make you feel even more lonely that you might already be. Regardless if you single or you have a boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife/partner, you are left with expectations which may be even worse than feeling of loneliness. These expectations are planted in our heads through ads, our brainwashed friends, and the biggest culprit of all, romantic comedies.

I’ll start with advertisements. When did Valentine’s Day become a holiday to give diamonds, open heart collection necklaces, cell phones, video games, etc.? Why are there valentine episodes of, like, every show on TV? The other night, I saw an ad for the Valentine’s Day Wipe Out edition. Yes, the show taken from the Japanese show where American

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run around on the huge obstacle courses into slime, mud, whatever, kinda like a modern-day Double Dare, but without the superfluous trivia portion of the show. Why does Wipe Out need a Valentine ’s Day edition where they jump on inflatable hearts and fall into rivers of milk chocolate? It’s because they need to market to their advertisers to run their stupid Valentine ’s Day ads during their prime time Valentine’s Day specials.

That same evening, I saw a Valentine’s Day ad that really made no sense to me. It was a TMobile ad, (check it out above) and had a guy dressed as cupid talking to the TMobile chick about what to get his girlfriend for VDay. Obviously, since she’s the TMobile chick, she’s not going to suggest chocolates. No, she’s going to suggest that you get your girlfriend a smart phone, so you can take pictures and pick out romantic comedies to watch together. What the commercial failed to recognize was that phone required a two-year contract, and unless you plan on being with the girl for the next two years, you are either going to be stuck paying for her text messages for her new boyfriend, take a hit to your credit for not paying the bill, or get stuck with the early cancellation fee of hundreds of dollars because you were duped into thinking a smart phone was a smart choice for Valentine’s Day.

RomCom’s are arguably the WORST offenders of all when it comes to setting expectations on Valentine’s Day, and everyday really, and are exasperated on Valentine’s Day of course. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE ROMCOMS, they are the best way to feel giddy, happy, and hopeful for an hour and a half. The girls usually have awesome outfits, hot boyfriends and cool cars, why not take an hour and a half and not think about the logistics of the situation? However, there are a few that really stand out on the lame scale.

Let’s start with the movie “Valentine’s Day,” a fab ensemble film featuring every big name star for a total of 15 minutes of on-air time, where they all have their Valentine story of heart break and finding love all within one on-screen day. Honestly? How stupid. I don’t have enough finger strength to dissect every plot line in that movie, the only one that was cool was the Julia Robert’s storyline of traveling all the way home to see her son, who was first in love with his babysitter, who was 10 years his senior. Gross.

A couple of others that are really absurd are “Friends With Benefits” and “No Strings Attached.” First of all, aren’t they the same exact movie with different actors in different careers? For all of the girls out there who “may or may not” have been in a friends with benefits, aka a booty call situation, statistically speaking 9.9 out of 10 of these “relationships” do not end in a “relationship.” If you are reading this and are like “That’s not true, I’m dating him now…kinda,” or maybe it’s a “he’s waiting until work calms down/finals are over/wounds from his long-term relationship heal” to make a commitment, well, don’t let me burst your bubble, but don’t let “Mr. Real Deal” walk away because you’re waiting for “Mr. I love you at 3 a.m.” to wake up and smell the roses.

At this point, you must think that I am a romance hater, and for good reason, but I assure you I’m not. I love romance in all forms, but mostly the forms that aren't commercially romantic, such as when my handsome hub and I go back and forth with our ridiculous inside jokes derived from people we have met, funny stuff we experienced together, reality T.V. shows, etc. Having your own unspoken, indescribable language is pretty freaking romantic and I love it. However, it is notable that I gave him my phone number about a week before Valentine’s Day 4 years ago, and when did he actually pick up the phone and call? Yup, February 15

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. Haha. It was a sign. He must have known my disdain for Valentine’s Day, or maybe he didn’t want to live up to a lame RomCom movie. Whatever the reason, that call on February 15

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was the first one from my soul mate, the future father to my puppy, and kids, down the road. There is nothing special about February 15

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except awesome sales on red and pink candy, but it was an awesome day for me.

How romantic.

The take home message from my first blog post is simple: To all of the Brides out there, fabulous single people, and those in a relationship: The most romantic days of all are the ones you don’t plan for. The moments where you are caught with beer coming out of your nose because you are laughing so hard, at the grocery store busting out singing to a sick Michael MacDonald ballad, or an evening at your basement bar with your one and only, don’t put pressure on the commercially predicated days of romance because it’s a rare occasion that it plays out the way you expect in your mind. Unless, of course, you are romancing yourself, which is another topic for another blog, I suppose.

Happy Febuary 13

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everyone!

Love + Diamonds,

AC